Van Halen Review - 2012 in Chicago (United Center/Allstate Arena)

Greetings, Ladies and Gents! It's been a while since I've actually taken the time to put up a concert review. Multiple years, to be more precise. I've just been far too busy, and for a while, hadn't seen a show worth reviewing. 2012 has been different, and I have been back to my torrid pace of shows, which won't last long. Parenthood and age will limited me to only the important shows, once again, but that hasn't stopped me from getting my fill, while I have the chance.

When Van Halen announced that they were not only touring, but releasing a full length album with David Lee Roth, it was a no brainer what I was going to be spending my time doing when they hit the Windy City. Lucky for Chicago, we were given two dates on the agenda, and I was going to both.

These were the first shows I've gone to, where I not only felt young, but I was embarrassed for some of the "costumes" these fans were wearing, and their behavior. It's 2012, folks, and you're probably in your late 40's or 50's. Too much booze/recreational substances, too much disgusting leather skin, "jorts" galore, horrendously clownish mullets, Pall Mall smokers voices, not enough fabric for the tops, and skirts far too short on bodies far too lumpy. It was just a nightmare. People need to learn to let go of the past, because the present makes them look like a bunch of nearsighted, white trash, slow adults with color blindness, and tone deafness.

Friday, Feb 24th 2012, United Center
This first show really ground my gears something fierce, even for a die hard like me that endured TWO of the Van Halen/Gary Cherone shows. While Eddie and Alex never disappoint, Roth was a whiny, childish douche on stage, spending more time bitching about the United Center's A/C system than anything else. News Flash, Dave, there is an ice rink under the very floor your shaking your old ass on, and the place needs to be kept a decent temp. Grown up and learn to deal with it, you fucking clown! "Waa, waa, waa, the air fucks with my voice, waa, waa, waa!". After the second Chicago show, I'm starting to believe it's a schtick to explain why his voice isn't quite up to what it use to be, but I digress. I might have been able to let the cranky old man tantrum slide if he didn't act like a complete and utter prima donna towards the road crew, when his piece of shit headset mic didn't work right. Look, Diamond Dave, those things are huge pieces of plastic refuse, meant for pop acts that lip sync anyway. Grab a fucking handheld mic and ACT a professional, even if you don't want to BE one. You are damn near humping 60 years of age, and you have been doing this for roughly as long as I've been on this planet, yet you're throwing a tantrum at the road crew, telling them to "Get the fuck away from me". These guys are professionals and work their asses off. I know and have seen this first hand. The days of disrespecting the guys that make your shit happen, behind the scenes, are over, Douche Bag!

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I can get to the actual show. I'm a huge Van Halen guy. I loved Sammy, I tolerated Gary, and this would be my second time seeing them with Dave. Lets be honest, though, Eddie is 57, Alex is 58, and Roth is 57. These guys are no spring chickens any more.

Wolfgang is a adequate fill in for Michael Anthony, because let's face it, a bassist is the easiest member to replace, unless your name is Cliff Burton or Les Claypool. I still love the days of Michael Anthony running around chugging a bottle of Jack, but I will gladly skip the bass solo. That's what most people call the "pee break".

As far as atmosphere, the show was very robotic and fast paced. It seemed like it was "all business", and almost mechanical. The played all the songs I was there to see, and even though I've seen Eddie's similar solo many times before, it never gets old. Dave's dancing just looked creepy and old. He looked a little more tight than usual, but maybe that was because of the rather large bug up his ass. Alex's drum solo has definitely been taken down a notch, as they added some recorded horns and other electronics to give it a little more girth. Like I said, it's not 1984 anymore and these guys are almost 60. I understand, and I don't mind.

Overall, I would have given the show 6 Little Dreamers out of 10.

This was the set list:

1. You Really Got Me
2. Runnin' With the Devil
3. She's the Woman
4. Romeo Delight
5. Tattoo
6. Everybody Wants Some!!
7. Somebody Get Me a Doctor
8. China Town
9. Mean Street
10. Oh, Pretty Woman
11. Alex Van Halen Drum Solo
12. Unchained
13. The Trouble with Never
14. Dance the Night Away
15. I'll Wait
16. Hot for Teacher
17. Women In Love
18. Girl Gone Bad
19. Beautiful Girls
20. Ice Cream Man
21. Panama
22. Eddie Van Halen Guitar Solo
23. Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
24. Jump

Sunday, Apr 1st 2012, Allstate Arena

The first show, more specifically DLR, turned me off so much that I contemplated selling my tickets, so I didn't have to watch Dave act like a complete dickhead, again. I'm glad I didn't. While Dave did indeed bitch about the A/C system, he only mentioned it once, and he left the road crew alone. When he started in on the A/C system, I rolled my eyes, and thought to myself, "Here we go again". That was the last time it was mentioned though. This begs to ask, though, were these two isolated incidents, both in the city of Chicago, or does he do this regularly. I happen to believe that it is the latter. There is no conspiracy in Chicago to ruin David Lee Roth's voice while he's performing. Anyhow, Dave moved much better, seemed much more relaxed, and comfortable this time around. His banter was more of what you'd expect from DLR, not the previous robotic performance. He pulled off several leg high kicks and the splits, that were impressive for a man of his age. He won me back with this show, as a fan, but I can see why Ed might get annoyed by Dave's goofy antics.

Eddie, Alex, and Wolfgang were pretty much identical to the show just over a month previous. No matter what might be going on behind the scenes, the Van Halen boys don't show it on stage. They were all smiling and looked happy. I could watch Eddie and Alex over and over. I'm just a huge, huge fan of their talent.

I wasn't as big of a fan of the setlist, the second time around. Mean Street is one of my favorite, if not my favorite, tunes and they cut it out of the set. I could have done without "The Full Bug", "Women in Love", or "Outta Love Again", but what can you do? It's one song.

I left the show in a much better frame of mind than the previous show, and just when I thought my Van Halen obsession was bordering on over, they sucked me back in. I make no bones about loving Sammy with the band, but I'll be glad to go see them with Dave again, if they can keep the wheels from falling off this train, that is.

I give this show 8 Beautiful Girls out of 10.

This was the set list:

1. Unchained
2. Runnin' With the Devil
3. She's the Woman
4. The Full Bug
5. Tattoo
6. Everybody Wants Some!!
7. Somebody Get Me a Doctor
8. China Town
9. Jamie's Cryin'
10. Oh, Pretty Woman
11. Alex Van Halen Drum Solo
12. You Really Got Me
13. The Trouble with Never
14. Dance the Night Away
15. I'll Wait
16. Hot for Teacher
17. Women In Love
18. Outta Love Again
19. Beautiful Girls
20. Ice Cream Man
21. Panama
22. Eddie Van Halen Guitar Solo
23. Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
24. Jump

Here is a little treat. Eddie Van Halen's solo from the 4/1/12 show at the Allstate Arena:

Rock/Metal Music: Every Idiot Has a Voice

With everything else going on in my world, it's been hard to just unleash on general rants, but every once in a while, the mouth breathing idiots in this world (that the interweb has brought us closer to) just chafe my ass. This would be one of those times. Let me elaborate...

As most of you know, I was involved pretty closely to the hard rock and metal genre of music in the early to mid 2000's. After being involved for while, I began to pride myself on having the ability to pick new songs/bands that I felt had mainstream appeal. Whether it was the marketing of the group or the ability of the band to write music that the public would quickly grab onto. It was fun, like picking the perfect grapefruit in the grocery store. Some of the bands that I had strong feelings about BEFORE they were ever big on radio were Disturbed, SOiL, Drowning Pool, 10 Years, Slipknot, Five Finger Death Punch, Mudvayne, Ill Nino, and Static-X to name a few. One "hooky" demo song, and my eyes would light up. My track record was generally pretty good. Of course, there are always those bands that have unfortunate circumstances like label mismanagement, for instance Chicago's From Zero, but the potential was there. If it wasn't for the internet, we would not have been given this chance, and I am TRULY grateful for the things I learned, and the friends I made. These half dozen years were probably the single most important years of my life, and have shaped me into the grumpy, opinionated, wise ass that you see before you, today.

Anyway, with the birth of the internet came new challenges for bands and their labels. The company my partner and I created thrived on that. We provided marketing at all different levels for these bands and labels. Message boards became the most popular medium for bands to personally interact with their fans. This didn't come without MAJOR problems. The level of personal interaction with the artists was always kept behind "closed doors", but with this new tool, you have people posting up personal information, true or not, about these people. Family and friends were getting dragged into internet drama on a daily basis, and lives were drastically changed. These are not celebrities that are use to being in the public eye, or use to the harsh public criticism. Many lives were changed and scared forever by this "wonderful" new tool. We spent days upon days just dealing with the "haters", the "spammers", and the straight out insanely stupid. People just didn't understand that they were actually hurting and putting a great deal of strain on the bands they loved, and there are things not for public consumption. I always maintain that if you give the general public enough rope, they will all hang themselves, and they did. Artists all abandoned the message boards, because of the extreme drama that was created. By no means am I saying that the rest of the work we did was anything but exciting, but it all came with a price, and buckets of bullshit. This was the dawn, the genesis, of the Internet Mouth Breathing Neanderthal Metalheads.

Every band has had them, and they are as bad today, as ever. Just troll over to places like blabbermouth.net, SMNNews.com, or any website of the sort. Read some of the comments that these Metal "fans" write. With the death of message boards, they just moved on to another outlet. Let me summarize, a normal mouth Breather's comment:

Dude, this band sucks more than a hooker on rent day. The band I like is so much more Metal, and they would never "sell out" like this. I don't know how this band sells any albums, and you are all big fat losers for listening to them. The singer is a fag and I hate him for no apparent reason other than he's famous and I'm not, but it may have something to do with him sleeping with my girlfriend. I'm going to make sure to post messages everywhere this band is mentioned and remind you that what I like is much better than what you like. Die for being famous and writing popular songs! DIE! DIE! DIE!

Now sarcasm aside, that's EXACTLY what you'll see. A bunch of people that will rape, pillage and maim for their "no name" favorite band, and live to scour the internet and insult the more popular bands. Sounds like an exciting life, doesn't it? Miserable slugs!

The irony of all this aggression is that most of them have NO idea what the music world is about. They rebel against anything that is remotely popular, as a knee jerk reaction. They feel they are better than you, because they like some band no one has ever heard of. Once people get to know this band, they immediately go into hate mode, and claim the band "sold out". It's a catch 22. They want to keep their music to themselves, but they will rant to you for days on end about how much better it is, and how THOSE are the bands that should be selling millions. Once they DO sell millions, it's on to hating. A vicious circle.

Most of you also know that I'm not a big fan of pop music, but I truly understand it's appeal to the general public. It's extremely simple short songs, with "hooky" beats and lyrics. Everyone can understand the lyrics, and girls can dance to it. In a nutshell, that is why it's popular. The reason I dislike most of it, is because it really doesn't take much talent to create a successful pop song anymore. If I can sit down at a computer with Pro Tools on it, and put together a song in a few hours, that's not talent. I cannot read a note of music, nor can I play a musical instrument, other than my Rock Band/Guitar Hero drum kit. That HARDLY makes me a musical talent. While I don't like all forms of Hard Rock/Metal, the talent it takes to play drums, guitar, or sing at that level for extended periods of time warrants some admiration. Pop artists have so much production and electronics behind their music, that most people wouldn't recognize their work, if it were stripped down to the bare minimum. They "sing" into a computer and that computer makes the song. All loops and pre-canned electronics. Pop artists don't record with bands anymore, and it could be argued that the puppets that stand out there live with them aren't really playing anything, either. I'm sorry, but that doesn't take musical talent to create.

Rock and Metal are really the last frontier of true musical talent left, in popular culture. Jazz, and all the other forms of TRUE music still have a great deal of musicianship, but they don't have the mainstream appeal. While I respect the HELL out of them, they will never get the respect they deserve. People aren't patient enough to understand them for the brilliant musicians that they are. What the Neanderthal Metalhead doesn't understand is that EVERY band wants to sell albums. They want to be able to like and raise families of their musical talent. I don't care what they "think", this is the truth. Here are a few things that they don't take into account:

• Most newer/unknown bands have day jobs just like you and I. They are usually SHIT jobs that allow them to be gone for short touring cycles, and they usually pay like absolute shit, as well. I made more money than most of the bands I worked for. In some cases, it was two or three times what they made, and I am/was by NO means well off. Just because you sign a record deal with "Shithole Records" doesn't mean the Brinks truck is immediately backed up to their front door, so they can "make it rain" with groupies and strippers in their mansion. When they aren't touring or recording, they are abused working stiffs, just like every one of us. Most bands don't see any substantial money til, maybe, the second or third album, unless the debut goes platinum or double platinum right out of the box.
• Maybe YOU think they wouldn't write more tame songs to appeal to the mainstream, but tell that to the guy living in a storage shed, eating plain bologna sandwiches, not showering or shaving for weeks at a time, and shitting in the woods. It happens more than you might think, people.
• As "cool" as it is to like true death metal, it's a dead end genre. Plain and simple. The general public will NEVER latch onto that style. If you want to play weekends at the local Metal bar, by all means, rock your ass off. The singing, while I'll admit takes talent to create, is completely void of any mainstream value. No one wants to listen to a song that they have to look up ALL the words to because it's all grunting, and growling. The general public wants to sing along with their music without needing a "speak and spell". The music those bands play is admittedly takes insane talented, but unless you put intelligible lyrics over it, they will always struggle to even get noticed. ALWAYS. Any death metal bands or artists that have broken into the more mainstream have done so because they understand that the public will not ever embrace it, and move on to more tame music. It has it's niche and bless them for doing what they do, but it'll never lead to a comfortable living.
• In the 80's and 90's, just the sound of one person screaming "SLAYYYYER", got the crowd into a frenzy, no matter who the show was for. You never spoke ill of the mighty Slayer. Guys would have paid good money for one of those guys to even sleep with their girlfriend. It was craziness. Oh how the times have changed. If there is an article posted up about about Slayer, there are just as many loudmouth idiots posting up about how Jeff is better than Kerry, Kerry is fat, Tom is Old, the new stuff blows, and just about any other negative thing as there are fans. In fact, the real fans probably don't have time in their days to even bother posting up comments on a website. The fact of the matter is that bands like this still do the same thing they've always done. It's the fans that changed, not the band. The personal lives of the band are more accessible now, and as much as you think they were worshiping Satan and sacrificing virgins, they were cutting their lawns and raising their children, just like the rest of us. They just had a cooler job, and are WAY better than other at it.
  
• The other CLASSIC example is Metallica. Sore subject I know. And Justice For All was a blessing and a curse for this band. It brought them into the main stream, but because the short haired preppy kids were now listening to Metallica, the early fans claimed that they "sold out". Now, I'll be the first to admit that St. Anger was a joke, and I'm still convinced that they released it to prove that they COULD release any pile of steaming dung to the public, with the Metallica name on it and sell, but a majority of the albums after Justice aren't really that bad at all. That's right, I said it! There are plenty of you that KNOW this is true. They are written more main stream, but they have some good music on them. Props to them for surviving this long, and doing what they want.
  

The message I'm trying to convey here, is that if TRUE Metalheads want this style to succeed they have to put all the hate aside and support ALL metal. Nu-Metal, Trash, Death, Pop Metal, Rock, Hair Metal, Hard Rock, and all other Metal bands. The more they sell, the more successful they will be, and the more record labels will fund these bands. At the end of the day, that's what they need to keep bringing you new music and tours. Unfortunately, only the smart ones and the ones who have actually worked IN the business understand this. Johnny Longhair is sitting at his piece of shit laptop, ragging on every band that isn't called Septic Bleeding Anal Fistula. I know it's a futile attempt but end the hate, people. I leave you with this one last thing. Laugh, because it's funny and metal doesn't need to be all serious...